The Onion Files Hilarious Amicus Brief In An Important Case, And Actually Makes A Key Point In The Best Way Possible

from the put-the-onion’s-editorial-board-on-the-supreme-court dept

Tue, Oct 4th 2022 10:45am – Mike Masnick

In most cases, it does not do you any good to try to be funny in legal filings. In most cases, judges will not be that amused (even if those same judges sometimes try to make jokey rulings). In the world of the courts, the judges can be funny, but no one else should try. But every so often it works. The ACLU’s Eat Shit, Bob filing, for example, was pretty good.

The Onion Files Hilarious Amicus Brief In An Important Case, And Actually Makes A Key Point In The Best Way Possible

H/T: Steve Lehto

Related:

The man who wrote the Onion’s Supreme Court brief takes parody very seriously

Ohio Man Arrested and Prosecuted for Facebook Joke Appeals to Supreme Court

Google Maps Is Misleading Users Searching For Abortion Clinics…And The GOP Is Threatening The Company If It Fixes That

Google Maps Is Misleading Users Searching For Abortion Clinics… And The GOP Is Threatening The Company If It Fixes That

Related:

Google Maps Regularly Misleads People Searching for Abortion Clinics

“When my partner left the room, I mentioned that I was in an abusive relationship,” said Chey, who asked that her full name be withheld for medical privacy reasons. The staff working at the CPC said that was all the more reason to have the baby. “They told me that carrying a pregnancy could help repair my relationship, that it would cause my partner to step up as a man, and that I would find purpose in life again.”

Domestic Violence And Pregnancy

Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than any other cause of death.

A significant proportion of all female homicide victims are killed by their intimate partners.

Domestic violence during pregnancy puts your life and the life of your baby at risk.

Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women.

Abusive partners do not stop their violence after the baby is born.

Abusive partners do not become good fathers after the baby is born.

Abuse and Domestic Violence During Pregnancy

CDC Tracked Millions of Phones to See If Americans Followed COVID Lockdown Orders

CDC Tracked Millions of Phones to See If Americans Followed COVID Lockdown Orders

The documents reveal the expansive plan the CDC had last year to use location data from a highly controversial data broker. SafeGraph, the company the CDC paid $420,000 for access to one year of data, includes Peter Thiel and the former head of Saudi intelligence [Turki bin Faisal Al Saud] among its investors. Google banned the company from the Play Store in June.

The CDC used the data for monitoring curfews, with the documents saying that SafeGraph’s data “has been critical for ongoing response efforts, such as hourly monitoring of activity in curfew zones or detailed counts of visits to participating pharmacies for vaccine monitoring.” The documents date from 2021.

Zach Edwards, a cybersecurity researcher who closely follows the data marketplace, told Motherboard in an online chat after reviewing the documents: “The CDC seems to have purposefully created an open-ended list of use cases, which included monitoring curfews, neighbor-to-neighbor visits, visits to churches, schools and pharmacies, and also a variety of analysis with this data specifically focused on ‘violence.’” (The document doesn’t stop at churches; it mentions “places of worship.”)

Related:

Data Broker Is Selling Location Data of People Who Visit Abortion Clinics

Location data broker SafeGraph stops selling information on visits to abortion providers

SafeGraph Provides CDC and 1000+ Organizations With Data to Fight the COVID-19 Crisis

Google Bans Location Data Firm Funded by Former Saudi Intelligence Head:

On its website SafeGraph says “We believe places data should be open for all.” In April 2017, Turki bin Faisal Al Saud, the former head of Saudi Arabia’s intelligence agency, invested in SafeGraph as part of a $16 million Series A funding round. SafeGraph said it had “assembled the deepest policy thinkers.” Beyond Faisal Al Saud, SafeGraph said it had enlisted the help of former U.S. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, author Sam Harris, Meghan O’Sullivan who ran Iraq and Afghanistan policy under President George Bush, former Deputy Chief of Staff to President Obama Mona Sutphen, and former German Minister of Defense Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, among others. Peter Thiel is also an investor in the company.

More investors: SafeGraph Raises $16 Million Series A