Tag: tongue-in-cheek

The Pentagon’s IPO for War: Now With 100% More Cowbell

Tina Marie (Ms. Cat)

The Pentagon’s acquisition system is being overhauled into a “Warfighting Acquisition System,” turbocharging weapons production, slashing bureaucracy, and empowering officials to deliver arms at “wartime speed.” Portfolio Acquisition Executives now wield sweeping authority, startups are courted like prom queens, and the defense industrial base is being rebranded as Silicon Valley with missiles.

So much for the “peace president”—Trump’s arsenal of freedom looks more like an IPO for war, where venture capital meets missile launchers and bureaucrats cosplay as battlefield commanders.

Forging the Arsenal of Freedom

Related:

FoRGED Act Documentation

Applebee’s: Drowning in Ranch and Regret

Tina Marie (Ms. Cat)
Sleep deprivation in a can. 🥱

I tried to order Battered Fish and Chips. They were out. Strike one.

So I pivoted to the Bacon Ranch Grilled Chicken Sandwich. A mistake. Apparently, Applebee’s missed the memo from the “Don’t Drown Your Food” PSA. The sandwich arrived swimming in Ranch—so much that the chicken breast was actively trying to escape the bun. I had to perform a rescue operation, extracting the slippery protein and eating it solo, like some sad, sauce-slicked survivor.

Strike two.

To round out the evening, I ordered a Sugar Free Red Bull. Because clearly, sleep deprivation needed a wingman. I haven’t had caffeine in years. Maybe I was chasing chaos. Maybe I wanted to see if those Red Bull Wings would lift me out of this culinary disappointment. Spoiler: they didn’t.

Strike three. I’m out.