At long last, my poetry has paid off—not with literary acclaim, but cold, hard cash from a stranger on Tumblr. Who needs a Pulitzer when I have weekly direct deposits and a man who says he’s seen battle? That’s right, folks, I’m retiring to a life of luxury, sipping bargain-bin champagne while my benefactor spins tales of his heroic deeds in my DMs. Dreams really do come true. /s








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